Thursday 21 April 2011

Which batting eccentricities are we adopting?

The combined bat-twiddle and box-fiddle.

As modelled by: Alec Stewart. And resplendent in this video.


Why you should do it: Because it sends a message. The box fiddle asserts your masculinity, the bat twiddle looks like you're a tad insouciant and not taking it all that seriously. Also formerly modelled by the same player: the seamless drive-into-tucking-bat-under-arm follow through as the off stump cartwheels backwards.

Using a bail to mark your guard
As modelled by: Shivnarine Chanderpaul and Ramnaresh Sarwan.
Why you should do it: Because it sends a message: 'I take my technique very seriously'. The other affectation is not bothering with a guard at all, which sends a quite different message and is possibly the preferred option for those liable to get a first baller.

The gun reveal
As modelled by: Kevin Pietersen and, to lesser effect, Ian Bell. Simply a case of hitching up your shirt sleeves before the bowler runs in.
Why you should do it: It sends a message: 'I have big guns'. Or, 'I think I have big guns.'

The OCD
As modelled by: Jonathan Trott. Many variants exist but the key aspect is not being ready to receive the ball until at least 20 minutes after you've arrived at the wicket.
Why you should do it: Because you really want to annoy the opposition, and possibly your team mates. Because you're not likely to be out there very long and want to make the most of it.

The trench digger
As modelled by: Nasser Hussain. Whack the bat into the ground as hard as you can while waiting for the bowler to arrive.
Why you should do it: Because you're a very angry man indeed. Or using a bat belonging to someone you hate.

The hold-the-pose
As modelled by: Flaky West Indian dasher Keith Arthurton, most memorably. Play a beautiful extra-cover drive. As the ball skims across the outfield, hold your follow through, nonchalantly chewing your gum. Ignore the batsman at the other end desperately trying to call you through. Realise it's not going for four. Reluctantly jog a single and just about make your ground.
Why you should do it: It sends a message: 'I don't even need the runs.'

The mislaid gob
As modelled by: Rubbish bits-and-pieces England punter Mark Alleyne. Having been dismissed, spit at the ground in disgust at your shot. Forget you've still got your helmet on. Look like even more of a tit, because the nasty men at the BBC have decided to focus on the line of phlegm now dripping from the grille.
Why you should do it: You probably shouldn't.






6 comments:

  1. The Villager

    Keep looking backwards, checking that your bat isn't going to hit the stumps and/or that you've accidently taken guard at square leg. I do this a lot.

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  2. I once ruled myself out for two weeks with a sprained wrist because I wasn't looking where I was standing in the nets and brought the bat down right onto the top of the metal stumps, breaking my bat in half in the process. Against a bowler I'd bet a fiver couldn't get me out. Not the best.

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  3. Can the follow up please be the poses adopted at the non-stikers end? 'The Pontin' - more stationary than the Statue of Liberty.

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  4. Great call. Also in this series - running between the wickets styles.

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  5. My style is to casually look over the left shoulder and count the number of paces I'm about to have to walk back to my highly supportive team-mates.

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