Monday 18 April 2011

Dear Danny Morrison

Dear Danny Morrison,

Richie Benaud is regarded as the greatest commentator of all time. In terms of cricketing vocabulary, "Benaud" and "doyenne" go together as surely as "Collingwood" and "nuggety", "McGrath and "metronomic". What Benaud realised was simple: less is more.

Here are some things Benaud might have said after witnessing a six or, as you insist on calling it, a "DLF Maximum":

- (long pause, to allow the viewer to grasp the majesty of the shot). "No need to chase that."
- (long pause, to ") "I don't think he's moved the fielder far enough out."

Here are some things Benaud wouldn't have said:

- (In the style of a World Wrestling Commentator describing the People's Elbow) "SEHWAG! With the big DLF!!!"

Now I know part of this is the format of what you're describing. It's not supposed to be like Test Cricket. We get that. But really Danny, of all the evils IPL has introduced to the world - the lingering footage of vehicles, the awkward pitch side interviews - you're certainly the worst.

Yours, completely addicted to the IPL and hating myself with every (censored for fear of granting the bastards any more fucking publicity) Moment of Success,

The Crap Cricketer

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