The Reverse Moo
Where you're aiming: To farm a good length ball for six over mid wicket.
Where it goes: Usually for two, sometimes for four if you've really given it some, over backward point.
The Dil-pull
Where you're aiming: To caress the short ball through the leg side.
Where it goes: Millimetres past your face off the top edge, over the keeper and away for four.
The Inverted Cover Drive
Where you're aiming: Through the covers.
Where it goes: Screaming for four through mid on, which implies it came off the middle. I have no idea how this shot works, but having played it a couple of weeks ago, I can confirm it exists. Practise your on drive afterwards and no-one'll notice.
The Lofted Late Cut
Where you're aiming: Through gully on the off side.
Where it goes: About 10 ft over second slip's head. Apparently late cuts require timing, rather than a potentially shoulder-dislocating slash.
The Impossible Harrow Drive
Where you're aiming: Possibly somewhere through the off side, but you might be trying to dig a yorker out.
Where it goes: You're playing on a rubbish, crumbling council pitch. You're late on the shot, and the ball goes straight into the trench that's been dug on the popping crease and flies away at an improbable angle. My effort this season almost carried for a bump ball six, over the keeper's head.
The Utter Spanner
Where you're aiming: Possibly over the keeper, because you're playing a Dil-scoop, or through the off side with a reverse sweep.
Where it goes: Straight into your face. No one shows any sympathy, and nor should they. You twat.
Any more?
Where you're aiming: To farm a good length ball for six over mid wicket.
Where it goes: Usually for two, sometimes for four if you've really given it some, over backward point.
The Dil-pull
Where you're aiming: To caress the short ball through the leg side.
Where it goes: Millimetres past your face off the top edge, over the keeper and away for four.
The Inverted Cover Drive
Where you're aiming: Through the covers.
Where it goes: Screaming for four through mid on, which implies it came off the middle. I have no idea how this shot works, but having played it a couple of weeks ago, I can confirm it exists. Practise your on drive afterwards and no-one'll notice.
The Lofted Late Cut
Where you're aiming: Through gully on the off side.
Where it goes: About 10 ft over second slip's head. Apparently late cuts require timing, rather than a potentially shoulder-dislocating slash.
The Impossible Harrow Drive
Where you're aiming: Possibly somewhere through the off side, but you might be trying to dig a yorker out.
Where it goes: You're playing on a rubbish, crumbling council pitch. You're late on the shot, and the ball goes straight into the trench that's been dug on the popping crease and flies away at an improbable angle. My effort this season almost carried for a bump ball six, over the keeper's head.
The Utter Spanner
Where you're aiming: Possibly over the keeper, because you're playing a Dil-scoop, or through the off side with a reverse sweep.
Where it goes: Straight into your face. No one shows any sympathy, and nor should they. You twat.
Any more?
Think you're missing the Stewart Memorial Heave.
ReplyDeleteWhere you're aiming: somewhere into the next postcode over square leg because it's a lovely fat long hop that's screaming 'absolutely murder me'.
Where it goes: straight into middle stump slightly above ankle height, not because you've been done by Shane Warne's genius flipper, but because you're playing on rolled mud.
On the subject of wonky council pitches, Andy once gave me lbw at Springfield Park to one that didn't even hit me. It landed in a hole in the pitch next to my foot and shot off at an insane angle through about leg gully. Andy assumed -- not unreasonably -- it had hit my foot on the full.
Ah yes, as accomplished this season (Wimbledon post).
ReplyDeleteBack in the day you'd probably get that sort of thing at Springfield Park from a good length. Actually we played one game last year there - it's now just as uneven, but somehow the groundsman has managed to make it bone hard, so it's all happening at a pace comparable with Lord's nets or Perth circa 1975. Our skipper bounced the ball on it to test the pitch and nearly took his own teeth out.