26/6/11 - South Park, Fulham

Guess I'm only doing this entry for the sense of completion. It was just a little intra-team game in Fulham among the Old vs Young of my main club. Arrived after a stag do in Cardiff the night before. Managed about 3 hours' sleep (for some reason booze always wakes me up early, and we were in bed by 3.30 and had to leave at 8.30 to make the game), followed by a car journey that took nigh on four hours.

On top of that it looks rather like I'm going to be out of a job soon, which is getting me down. As a sometime-journalist periods of unemployment should be water off a duck's back by now, but I actually quite like this job and the people, not to mention getting my first decent salary in a couple of years. I just can't face going back to freelance writing, getting treated like a piece of shit by commissioning editors and waiting two months to be paid. It's not exactly a booming industry. You may as well be plying your trade as a fucking blacksmith.

The whole event was pissing me off, to be honest. Everyone seemed to be really enjoying themselves but I wasn't, mostly because I wish this had been the team I'd joined six years ago rather than the one I did, with all the bullshit and politicking that went on before we ended up at this stage. It's a bit pathetic to still be bitter about it. Most of the time I'm not, but when you're feeling down you tend to see everything through a set of Morrissey-shaped glasses, I guess. Anyway - this is supposed to be a blog about being a crap cricketer, and it would be remiss not to discuss the politics of crap cricket, so intricate are they in comparison to any other form of the game.

When I moved to London the first team I joined was a semi-famous friendly team which had been born of a horrific, personal and malicious split within another team. Half that team wanted more 'proper' cricket, the other half didn't want to take it quite so seriously. There were two camps, broadly based around two individuals, who had been friends since school. A while after the split, one of the individuals contracted a terminal illness, and while he was dying he told the other he never wanted to speak to him ever again. It was so sad, and so unnecessary.

Meanwhile this team - my second - had been terrible but started to get better players, who it seemed clear had different needs to some of the founders. What I could see coming - and perhaps I was unduly worried - was exactly the same situation as at the first club. To cater for both I felt we needed a variety of standards of opposition and a variety of venues - our little pub league was fine when the team started (as a largely local East London ex-uni gathering) but not once it became a proper club. I felt I'd learned from the experience with that first team - I was convinced that with careful management of fixtures there was no need for people to feel ostracised and that in cricket you can actually afford to play a truly mixed-ability side in a way you can't in other sports.

I thought what had gone wrong in the other team was simply the management. I hope I was right, and what we now offer appeals to everyone. I think - well, I really hope - it's spirit that binds us, not ability. If what we have now does work for us, the reasons are probably more complicated than that - we're blessed with some terrific characters; nearly all of them humble and keen to keep learning, whatever their ability. Perhaps the other team weren't.

Whatever. There were so many arguments that for a long time it hardly seemed worth it. I really wanted to captain the side and didn't get it, as far as I can tell due to all the disagreements, and the next season I went from being easily our best batsman to averaging about 20 while we played on a terrible pitch that was supposedly a compromise between the two camps - pro and anti reformers, if such grandiose labels can be applied. Situation not helped by the council, either. A bit like today, half the time I was going out to bat just wanting to be at home

I can tell when I'm depressed, because it's the only time I really don't enjoy cricket. Felt like it back then in 2008, felt like it today. Bowling, in particular, drives me up the wall. The pitch, thank God, had been rained on overnight, which took all the sting out of it but made anything other than spin pretty innocuous. There was movement and uneven bounce, but it was happening very slowly. Had there not been rain, it would probably have been dangerous. I'm amazed by the inability of pretty much every single council in the country to provide a decent track. I know cricket pitches require work, but if you can't prepare them then don't offer them out at £85 a time. It's another ground we won't ever use again.

Anyway, slow, crap pitch, and because I was very tired, slow, crap bowling that got the pasting it deserved. I also dropped two eminently makeable catches. I'd been bubbling up all afternoon and after one of the guys down the order played and missed I gave him an earful for no reason whatsoever. Then I batted, got bored after three overs and spannered one straight up in the air, which was probably a blessing. Went straight home and tried to apply for jobs, nearly broke down in tears, gave up and was in bed by 9pm. Forgot to take a photo. Probably the worst I've ever played since, well, about 2008.

Fear not, the next update will be much more cheery, I'm sure....

Update - just received this email from my other club, which cheered me greatly....

Hi CC,

Just wanted to say what a brilliant fixture XXXXX is and thank you for being instrumental in setting this up. Firstly the pub is wonderful, the cask ale and beef off the bone platter is phenomenal.  Having grown up in the city I'm annoyed I never discovered this gem.  The ground is bucolic.  Admittedly the weather was sublime and this always helps, sitting under a huge tree in the shade I enjoyed the sight of the late afternoon sun beaming through the leaves. The wicket wasn't great, but you can't have everything. The two sides I thought were roughly well balanced and we secured a plucky draw. I really want to play them again.