Basically, this is the reason you play cricket. In order to send the ball HOME. HOME is where the ball belongs. It shouldn't really be out on the field of play. It should go HOME. So in this post I intend to analyse the various ways through which the ball can and should be sent HOME.
1. Via a traffic light
If the ball is going to go HOME, it should obey the rules of the road. That's only reasonable.
2. Batting the wrong way round.
If a ball can be sent HOME in such a convoluted manner, then evidently it really wants to go HOME. You're doing it a favour.
3. Milimetres past your face
I have to link to this one indirectly. Good thing about this shot - it looks really cool. Bad thing - if you get it fractionally wrong you might inadvertently send your head HOME.
4. Into orbit
Of course the ball's HOME is actually somewhere near Jupiter. Also, this.
5. Into a car park
Because that way it might get lodged in a parked car, thus allowing it to be transported HOME all the more quickly.
6. Off a ball travelling at over 90mph.
If the ball's travelling that quickly, it evidently wants to get somewhere quickly too. And that place is HOME. Also, this.
Bonus extra examples of the ball being sent HOME: with a really fucked-up helicopter shot. Also with an orthodox cover drive, which is slightly poncy.
1. Via a traffic light
If the ball is going to go HOME, it should obey the rules of the road. That's only reasonable.
2. Batting the wrong way round.
If a ball can be sent HOME in such a convoluted manner, then evidently it really wants to go HOME. You're doing it a favour.
3. Milimetres past your face
I have to link to this one indirectly. Good thing about this shot - it looks really cool. Bad thing - if you get it fractionally wrong you might inadvertently send your head HOME.
4. Into orbit
Of course the ball's HOME is actually somewhere near Jupiter. Also, this.
5. Into a car park
Because that way it might get lodged in a parked car, thus allowing it to be transported HOME all the more quickly.
6. Off a ball travelling at over 90mph.
If the ball's travelling that quickly, it evidently wants to get somewhere quickly too. And that place is HOME. Also, this.
Bonus extra examples of the ball being sent HOME: with a really fucked-up helicopter shot. Also with an orthodox cover drive, which is slightly poncy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxDiU2tOGno
ReplyDeleteIf it doesn't want to go HOME yet try sending it to school. After it's been to school it might not be able to see the way HOME so send it HOME via the roof.
This is the definitely the finest article ever written. Certainly a piece I for one have a world of time for. Everything has a home, the stumps home is on the field of play, the balls is not, it's home is the other side of boundary, that's where it belongs.
ReplyDeleteLovely dry bit of commentary from Boycott on that first one: "There's no point putting a second slip in if you're getting hit 30 yards out of the ground."
ReplyDelete