April and May 2013 round up: all CC's performances in FULL

Apologies to all those who've been hoping for more regular updates since the season began. Purely extreme busyness, rather than any aversion to blogging. In terms of things to work on, CC's ambition is pretty simple: bat like less of a twat. Be more ruthless. Stop caring about other people giving a go, just believe the team's better off with you at the crease than back at the pavilion, even if you're not timing it. With the ball, bowl as fast as you used to, before you get too old.

Objective 1 has gone quite well. In a way. In digestible form (all innings have involved opening the batting):

1. 36 on a really tricky pitch with one very tough chance dropped before a ball bounced and seamed and gully took a diving catch off a slightly loose drive. Loads of rain between innings meant I had to bowl spin with wasn't very good. We lost.

2. Two wickets for not many again in very easy bowling conditions, swung it lots but didn't bowl very fast because that requires time in the gym, and I don't have any free time. Did not bat. We won.

3. 18 on another difficult pitch before a stupid mow across the line, 2 for not many - again accurate and moved it but need more pace. We drew.

4. 23 before one took off from a good length, took the bat shoulder and the keeper caught it one handed. One of those where I honestly don't know what I'd have done differently. Didn't bowl. We won.

5. 60* on another difficult pitch and of the four innings actually the worst. Honestly. On the other three I really tried to concentrate and keep my technique tight and hardly played and missed at all until the wicket ball. With this one I was dropped on 0 and again on 1 - both tough chances but still. One for not many with the ball. We won.

Findings:

a) It is really bloody hard to bat on most club pitches in England at the start of Summer. If you look at those knocks, I've played one really bad shot but only made one substantial score. In all those games most people haven't got past 30 and no more than one person has reached 50. None of the attacks were what you'd call good, but none of them were particularly bad, either. I feel really good, weirdly.

b) There really is no great science to playing in these conditions. Wait for a short one and smack it (you won't get many because every bowler worth his salt knows even Brett Lee would do well to give you the hurry up on these tracks), only drive the really full ones, play everything else as late as possible. The ball will turn a long way but very slowly, so hit with the turn. There is nothing harder to face than an accuratish seamer dobbing them down around 60mph. Speaking of which, I think I've been hit for half a dozen boundaries at most. And that's pretty much it.

c) I've bought a new bat and sold the old one. The old one was so much fun against crap spinners and slow seamers - it weighed 3lb and you could hit the ball *miles*. There is no better feeling than having a ludicrous mow across the line, connecting in the middle and watching the ball sail out of the ground. The trouble is it's a rather addictive feeling, which may be why I never made particularly big scores with it. The new bat encourages proper batting.

There it is: bit boring but nothing of much excitement to report. What is of note is that the 60* won The Decrepits their first match since August 2011. That was rather joyous - usually when you carry your bat you're a bit wary of the fact no one else has had a go, but two years of bummings meant that everyone was just happy we got over the line. Huzzah.

In other news, I managed to get to Lord's to see NZ capitulate to Stuart Broad. Last night I watched highlights of them piling on 350+ against us in the ODI. I must say, the huge, huge discrepancy in performance from both teams in the two formats is slightly odd. I mean, I know it's a different game with some different players but it's not that different and there aren't that many different players. A few thoughts about England's ODI selection:

1) I don't get the point of Jade Dernbach.
2) Until Woakes adds a yard of pace he's basically Mark Ealham and I'm not sure that's a good thing these days.
3) In theory the batting line up's really good. In practise apparently not.
4) Bresnan is another one of those bowlers who's good when he's bowling at 85mph and rubbish when he's bowling at 80mph.
5) I don't really care about ODIs any more.
6) Maybe this gives us a clue as to the problem.

There it is. Will try to make the next one a bit less prozaic.