1. Gray Nicolls Scoop 2000
Pros: As used by Brian Lara to score his 375 Test record.
Cons: Didn't have a middle. Which didn't matter, as long as you were Brian Lara.
2. Milichamp and Hall Original.
Pros: Sweeter than any bat you will ever use, ever. Adding a tiny follow-through to your defense will usually see the ball go for four. A fully-middled swipe will mean the opposition has to retrieve it using public transport.
Cons: Parents remortgaged house to buy it for my birthday. Still had the life expectancy of a suicide bomber. Try and drive a yorker, and you can kiss your blade goodbye. A proper bat, not for the likes of thee.
Pros: Light as a feather.
Cons: Highest profile user: Steve Harmison. Small, extremely sweet middle only of any use to people who time the ball. Thus, the Crap Cricketer has never scored 50 with it and has decided it's his 'nets bat'.
Honourable mentions: Woodworm Torch (see M&H in terms of life expectancy, with added downside that you clearly wanted to be Freddie Flintoff. Also decorated with stickers designed to appeal to a small child, or Freddie Flintoff). Kookaburra Savage Beast (never used it, but my word does it send a message - this being 'I'm going to be bowled trying to smoke one out the ground very soon'), Slazenger V12 (lull the opposition into a false sense of security by walking out with the shittest bat ever made, then fail to get the ball off the square).
Pros: As used by Brian Lara to score his 375 Test record.
Cons: Didn't have a middle. Which didn't matter, as long as you were Brian Lara.
2. Milichamp and Hall Original.
Pros: Sweeter than any bat you will ever use, ever. Adding a tiny follow-through to your defense will usually see the ball go for four. A fully-middled swipe will mean the opposition has to retrieve it using public transport.
Cons: Parents remortgaged house to buy it for my birthday. Still had the life expectancy of a suicide bomber. Try and drive a yorker, and you can kiss your blade goodbye. A proper bat, not for the likes of thee.
3. GM Cannon
Pros: Light as a feather.
Cons: Highest profile user: Steve Harmison. Small, extremely sweet middle only of any use to people who time the ball. Thus, the Crap Cricketer has never scored 50 with it and has decided it's his 'nets bat'.
4. Classic Bat Co. Original
(Picture unavailable).
Pros: Given to the Crap Cricketer aged 15 for free as sponsorship solely because he'd played a game for Chichester and Arundel district, or something. Really very good.
Cons: They went bust. Can't think why.
Honourable mentions: Woodworm Torch (see M&H in terms of life expectancy, with added downside that you clearly wanted to be Freddie Flintoff. Also decorated with stickers designed to appeal to a small child, or Freddie Flintoff). Kookaburra Savage Beast (never used it, but my word does it send a message - this being 'I'm going to be bowled trying to smoke one out the ground very soon'), Slazenger V12 (lull the opposition into a false sense of security by walking out with the shittest bat ever made, then fail to get the ball off the square).
